Page 8 - Winter2023

SOCIAL EMOTIONAL WELLNESS

Valley View ISD Counseling Department | Winter 2023

BOUNDARIES FOR MANAGING STRESS
THE HOLIDAY FOR HOLIDAY FAMILY GET-TOGETHERS
SEASON
Retrieved and adapted 12/2023 from: www.familycentre.org
Boundaries are our lists of Spending time with family during the holidays can Practice Mindfulness
what’s okay and not okay. be stressful. Memories of childhood events can re- As much as we focus, resent, or guilt ourselves
Setting boundaries can help open old wounds, and, sometimes new wounds about the past, the truth is, we only have right now.
you find peace within yourself can be created. You may think that this may only
and help you avoid happen in problematic families; however, this may Feeling anxious about the future or guilty about the
uncomfortable situations and happen in families that appear to be well-adjusted past will not allow us to enjoy our present. Try
feelings. and getting along. Unvoiced resentments from the focusing on your current needs and what is
past can linger behind a mask of normalcy. Here happening at this very moment and enjoy. Don‘t
Here are some tips for healthy are some simple tips you can use this holiday think of yesterday or tomorrow. Enjoy today.
boundaries: season to enjoy and relax with your family. Have a Lifeline

Put up a wall but also open Prepare a “Self-Care” Plan Hearing a friendly voice after spending time with
a door: In advance, decide how much time you want to difficult family members can be relieving from those
“I can’t do ___, but I would be interact with specific difficult family members and distressing feelings that come with becoming
willing to ___ instead.” determine your boundaries and limits. An example triggered. Make plans ahead of time to spend with
of a boundary for you might be to decide what those friends in your life that support and care for
Clarity is kind & helpful: topics are off-limits. you. Processing stress with a friend can usually be
“I need to take some space for therapeutic on its own.
my own well-being.” Practice Answers to Triggers You’re Not the Only One
We all have topics that we would like to avoid
You don’t need to justify: because they trigger us; however, it is important Holidays are supposed to be joy and peace;
“No, thank you.” however, it is crucial to understand that others may
to expect that they may come up. If your sister is be hurting during this time. You may not be the
Gratitude goes a long way: still mad at you for inheriting your late mother‘s only one who is feeling stress, anxious, or
home, think ahead and prepare how you will
“Thank you for the invite. I handle it. For example, one strategy is to depressed during this season. Be thoughtful when a
won’t be able to make it.” family member manifests upset or frustration, keep
“redirect“, which is changing the topic of
conversation. Another option is to give an perspective, and do not take things personally.
empathetic answer with assertiveness. For Set Your Sights on What You Enjoy
example, “I understand why that would still upset
you; however, we can have that conversation Sometimes, we have to intentionally schedule an
another time.“ activity that we are sure to enjoy. If you are invited
to someone‘s home, plan a game or activity you like
Let Go of Resentments that you know will ensure fun and engagement. At
times, family members engage in arguments
It is difficult but important to also limit our own because there is simply free time. Filling up the time
grievances. Decide what resentments you are
willing to let go of for the day. Being around family with joyous games and activities can definitely
members can bring back difficult memories; prevent some difficult conversations.
however, we get to decide what to focus on. Also, if spending time with family is anxiety
Choose to simply enjoy everyone‘s company and provoking, schedule a get-together with friends
decide to put distressing feelings or memories after. Knowing you have something to look forward
aside for another time. If you need to confront to can give you a little extra bump to get you
Aunt Maria about something that hurt you, through time with difficult family personalities.
address it after the family get-together. Family get-togethers are often a mixed bag of
Remember, the holidays are supposed to be about emotions, but learning to enjoy this time can make
love and peace. We can put war off for another it easier.
day.